You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
