Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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