it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
