I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
