Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
