why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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