so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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