my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
