Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
