Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
