I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
