Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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