You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
