your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
