i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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