I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
