i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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