I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
