Porn is love you can see.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
