Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
