He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
