WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
