i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
