i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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