i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
