Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
