Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
they need to just BURY HIM!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
