I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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