Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
