...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
