All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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