Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
