the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
