they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
