Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
