we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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