just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
