I'd wear matching sweaters with you
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
