Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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