There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
