i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
