i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And then my night got REAL pukey
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
