But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
