yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
