the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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