she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
