remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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