It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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