haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm both gender and math confused
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
