Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
