College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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